It is just afternoon, and I am making red beans and rice, trying to stay off of Twitter. After some lunch, I am going for a walk outside in the fresh air.
Current event wise, there are a whole lot of stupid stories going around about Amy Klobuchar being an awful boss. It's funny that merits coverage when Trump is in the White House.
Then we have the NRA putting out a magazine with a picture of Nancy Pelosi and Gabby Giffords and the caption says "target practice."
The sex trafficking story and Jussie Smollet story have been bumped by R Kelly's indictment.
And this is only a few newsworthy items. I just can't catalogue Trump's idiocy today.
Saturday, February 23, 2019
For many years, before I lived in California, I lived in a fairly small east coast town in Florida. Life was idyllic, and the gorgeous weather drew tourists from all over the world. Vero Beach is a gracious town, like a prim southern belle. Spanish moss drip from the old oaks that provide shade from the warm sun.
California is just about as far away from Vero, geographically, and in so many other ways. Vallejo is completely the opposite of Vero and that is why I ended up here. Not that I don't miss Vero and the amazing friends who got me through so many trying times, but missing something doesn't mean I have to go back.
This list is pretty comprehensive:
California is just about as far away from Vero, geographically, and in so many other ways. Vallejo is completely the opposite of Vero and that is why I ended up here. Not that I don't miss Vero and the amazing friends who got me through so many trying times, but missing something doesn't mean I have to go back.
In the three years I’ve lived in California, I have been living in a dream state, In California, there is more to life than grinding work and consumption. After living at sea level for fifteen years, I am dazzled by the hills. I drive on windy, hilly roads, finally understanding what inspired the grateful dead. The landscape here is psychedelic. I’ve seen produce here that i have never seen before - yellow raspberries; brussel sprouts on the stalk; jackfruit in Chinatown; twenty-seven different kinds of beets at the Berkeley Bowl.
The place I came from is very conservative in every way. Of course politics is the obvious topic. But there are other ways
This list is pretty comprehensive:
Here is today's craziness. The owner of the Patriots, a friend of Trump's, was arrested for solicitation of prostitutes in a massage parlor. In Vero Beach, an hour or so away, 165 men were arrested in a sting for the same thing, some whom I know. A parent of two of my former students, as well as the guy who bought my parents' house were caught in the sting. There were several other stings across Florida. The stings uncovered human trafficking rings, mostly from China.
This is all happening as Trump's friend, Jeffery Epstein, is back in the news. He likes very young girls and was given a light sentence by one of Trump's cabinet members, Alex Acosta, who was the prosecutor in the case and covered the whole thing up. Talk about misusing your position.
I cannot believe I am typing these words and it is only 1:12 pm PST.
10:06 pm
I took time off from Twitter. I actually cleaned and wrote and showered. Loretta, my friend who doesn't allow current event conversation, came over. As usual, our conversation wandered easily through an array of subjects, seemingly unconnected to each other, but interesting nonetheless. She stayed nearly three hours, and we drank ginger lemon tea with honey. Having her over is a huge accomplishment because before my place was spruced up, I never invited her over.
After that, I spent 30 minutes on Twitter before going over to Richard's house to watch Game of Thrones. I am probably the last person on the planet to watch it, and now I am totally addicted. It is an escape from the craziness in the world today, but relevant to all the craziness going on the world today.
Richard made dinner. Since he is a chef, dinner at his place is like eating in a fine restaurant, with four loving dogs as decoration. Tonight he served pork tenderloin with sweet potatoes topped with sour cream, and amazing greens with bacon. I will eat more greens now that I've tasted Richard's greens. Everything's better with bacon. And red wine in big glasses that really stood up to the greens. For dessert, Richard made chocolate chip cookies. I have had thousands of ridiculously good chocolate chip cookies. Richard's are, hands down, the best. They're on the soft side but not too soft. On the first bite, there's the carmelization of the brown sugar and butter. The chips are actually chunks that melt on the tongue.
After dinner, we retired to the tv room and watched three episodes. I cannot remember which ones, but apparently we're still in the first season, right when Daenerys finds out she's the dragon mother. I just got home and am so proud of myself for sitting down and writing first, before anything else. That's different.
Anyway, I am addicted to GOT. Kate told me that I would never be lonely as long as I was into it, because there are thousands of episodes that go on forever. I just found out there is a whole industry devoted just to Game of Thrones merchandise. I must not google it.
I am in a tight spot. But all I have to remember is that I have been in tighter ones, and I have escaped. I'm pinching pennies at the moment, literally rolling change, being unemployed and all. I was down to less than half a roll of toilet paper. I was going to get some from Nancy and Chris, and then I started cleaning. In the cabinet under the bathroom sink, way, way in the back, were two rolls I didn't even know were there. Talk about manifesting. I told Richard this tonight and he said, "Oh I have so much that you can have. I don't use it now that I have a bidet." I have to aim higher.
Regarding tighter spots, there were some really tight spots on my journey, but probably none worse than Canada. Whenever I think I can't go without something like food or coffee, I remember the six days I spent in a small town on the west side of the Prince Edward Island Bridge. The reasons why I ended up there are many, and I won't get into to them now. But I ended up there for six days, with no cash, no gas, and a dead battery.
I did have my quilt, some pillows, notebook, pen, a few books and magazines, my phone, a thermos, clean water, and sanitary restrooms just feet from my car, where I slept, waiting for checks to clear.
Each day, I would have a melt down for fifteen minutes or so. Then I would snap myself out of my funk by reminding me that I wanted the adventure and prayed for something to write about it. It was like an ashram, spa, writers' workshop all in one. Nothing stood between me and writing. There was nothing else to do. Days are long when you're waiting for money. So I wrote. When I read what I wrote while I was stranded, I see that I did some good writing. I had no distractions.
Right now, it feels a little like that time, but it isn't, because I have a roof over my head and family/friends around me. I have been in tight spots before and grace has prevailed. Why would that cease?
Now to bed with a good book that I got from the library yesterday. Instead of giving something up, I am going to put something pleasurable in it's place.
This is all happening as Trump's friend, Jeffery Epstein, is back in the news. He likes very young girls and was given a light sentence by one of Trump's cabinet members, Alex Acosta, who was the prosecutor in the case and covered the whole thing up. Talk about misusing your position.
I cannot believe I am typing these words and it is only 1:12 pm PST.
10:06 pm
I took time off from Twitter. I actually cleaned and wrote and showered. Loretta, my friend who doesn't allow current event conversation, came over. As usual, our conversation wandered easily through an array of subjects, seemingly unconnected to each other, but interesting nonetheless. She stayed nearly three hours, and we drank ginger lemon tea with honey. Having her over is a huge accomplishment because before my place was spruced up, I never invited her over.
After that, I spent 30 minutes on Twitter before going over to Richard's house to watch Game of Thrones. I am probably the last person on the planet to watch it, and now I am totally addicted. It is an escape from the craziness in the world today, but relevant to all the craziness going on the world today.
Richard made dinner. Since he is a chef, dinner at his place is like eating in a fine restaurant, with four loving dogs as decoration. Tonight he served pork tenderloin with sweet potatoes topped with sour cream, and amazing greens with bacon. I will eat more greens now that I've tasted Richard's greens. Everything's better with bacon. And red wine in big glasses that really stood up to the greens. For dessert, Richard made chocolate chip cookies. I have had thousands of ridiculously good chocolate chip cookies. Richard's are, hands down, the best. They're on the soft side but not too soft. On the first bite, there's the carmelization of the brown sugar and butter. The chips are actually chunks that melt on the tongue.
After dinner, we retired to the tv room and watched three episodes. I cannot remember which ones, but apparently we're still in the first season, right when Daenerys finds out she's the dragon mother. I just got home and am so proud of myself for sitting down and writing first, before anything else. That's different.
Anyway, I am addicted to GOT. Kate told me that I would never be lonely as long as I was into it, because there are thousands of episodes that go on forever. I just found out there is a whole industry devoted just to Game of Thrones merchandise. I must not google it.
I am in a tight spot. But all I have to remember is that I have been in tighter ones, and I have escaped. I'm pinching pennies at the moment, literally rolling change, being unemployed and all. I was down to less than half a roll of toilet paper. I was going to get some from Nancy and Chris, and then I started cleaning. In the cabinet under the bathroom sink, way, way in the back, were two rolls I didn't even know were there. Talk about manifesting. I told Richard this tonight and he said, "Oh I have so much that you can have. I don't use it now that I have a bidet." I have to aim higher.
Regarding tighter spots, there were some really tight spots on my journey, but probably none worse than Canada. Whenever I think I can't go without something like food or coffee, I remember the six days I spent in a small town on the west side of the Prince Edward Island Bridge. The reasons why I ended up there are many, and I won't get into to them now. But I ended up there for six days, with no cash, no gas, and a dead battery.
I did have my quilt, some pillows, notebook, pen, a few books and magazines, my phone, a thermos, clean water, and sanitary restrooms just feet from my car, where I slept, waiting for checks to clear.
Each day, I would have a melt down for fifteen minutes or so. Then I would snap myself out of my funk by reminding me that I wanted the adventure and prayed for something to write about it. It was like an ashram, spa, writers' workshop all in one. Nothing stood between me and writing. There was nothing else to do. Days are long when you're waiting for money. So I wrote. When I read what I wrote while I was stranded, I see that I did some good writing. I had no distractions.
Right now, it feels a little like that time, but it isn't, because I have a roof over my head and family/friends around me. I have been in tight spots before and grace has prevailed. Why would that cease?
Now to bed with a good book that I got from the library yesterday. Instead of giving something up, I am going to put something pleasurable in it's place.
Friday, February 22, 2019
Home
Kindness is a gesture extended with nothing asked in return. At this time of year, I count my blessings. I am grateful for many people have done kind things for me throughout my life. With the world in such a depressing state, kindness is the key to remaining sane and upright. Recently, I was the beneficiary of a true labor of love and kindness. In my life, I have been blessed with guardian angels. Ann and Nancy are my angels this Christmas.
When I first arrived in California, I planned on visiting my cousin, Chris, and his wife, Nancy for no more than three days. I stayed with Chris and Nancy for eight months, even going through a six-week kitchen redo before finding a very small basement apartment. This being the Bay Area, I am grateful to live here for what I pay.
The challenges of living in a small apartment are similar to living on a houseboat. With its 6’5” ceilings, especially in the winter, when the sun sets at 4:45 pm, the dirty white walls closed in even more on wet, black nights. i have depression, so I haven’t had the energy or the desire to make this place home. Sad energy permeated the apartment.
After living here for three years, I was not looking forward to another winter, and was telling Nancy this. She and her twin sister, Ann, have superb decorating skills, and I hoped they would give me some suggestions on how to make my environment warm and hospitable.
They came over one afternoon, with tape measures, and looked around. They asked me what my favorite colors were, demanded my keys, and told me to trust them.
Ten days later, i walked in and I cried, like all those lucky people on the decorating shows on tv.
The walls were painted a pale blue grey. There was a new turquoise loveseat and a beige reading chair. There was a wood coffee table.They painted the garage sale dressers a bold shade of aqua and tied everything together with a new duvet cover and fresh shams. Ann’s husband, Doug, is an artist, so they put beautiful paintings on the wall. They organized my cabinets and closet. They cleaned out my refrigerator. Chris and Doug were in on the action too, hanging pictures and window shades.
My place looks chic and feels cozy. As stunned as i was when I opened the door and saw my sparkling bachelorette pad, I was amazed at the care they took, organizing all of my things. Clothing was folded neatly and arranged in drawers. Cabinets were logically organized.
I’m a private person and Ann and Nancy reorganizing all of my stuff was discomfiting. Very few people know me inside and out, but they do. These two women are truly non-judgemental.
It has been a difficult year for me, especially financially. My employment status is tenuous. The icing on the kindness cake was when Nancy said that the redo was a gift from her and Ann. They wanted me to have cheerful surroundings, so that I can climb out of my hole.
I can never repay this kindness, but I can appreciate how lucky I am to have these women, my sisters, in my life.
Thursday, February 21, 2019
If you want different results, do different things
I am getting better. I can tell because I spent more time outside today. I interacted with human beings, and only looked at Twitter briefly. As a depressed person, I really have no business engaging in something that makes me feel so awful.
My goal is to try something different every day. Today I showered. I also started this blog. And I went to the library, which I have been putting off for months. I have a library card, and the card of the literacy services coordinator. While I am searching for a job, I can still volunteer to help someone learn to do something that will change their lives. I got Dave Robichaux book today, part of a series that got me through dark times in Florida. How lonely can I be when I am reading about New Orleans?
My goal is to try something different every day. Today I showered. I also started this blog. And I went to the library, which I have been putting off for months. I have a library card, and the card of the literacy services coordinator. While I am searching for a job, I can still volunteer to help someone learn to do something that will change their lives. I got Dave Robichaux book today, part of a series that got me through dark times in Florida. How lonely can I be when I am reading about New Orleans?
Gag (Me) Order
I can tell you how to maintain your equilibrium in these times of insanity. Don't listen to the news. Stay off of social media. Get out of the house. Socialize. Create. I just can't do them myself. One of my very creative, serene friends does all of these. She refuses to let anyone talk about current events, especially politics in her presence. At first, it was annoying, but now it makes sense. Her house is a haven from the every day craziness.
I am a Twitter addict. Every morning, I wake up to check it. Sometimes I awaken in the middle of the night to check it. All I want to see is that Donald Trump has been arrested or has choked on a cheeseberder. My hope is that when either of these events finally happen, and our country is no longer plagued with this sham of a president, things will return to normal, and I will be able to log off of Twitter.
What would I do if I wasn't absorbed in this social media platform? I would meditate. I would be more fit. My blog would be updated every day. My cannabis consumption would decrease. My sound sleep would increase. My apartment would be cleaner. My depression would subside.
I know i am an addict, because Twitter is getting in the way of me living life. At the moment, I am unemployed. I have loads of down time and instead of using it wisely, I get totally sucked in. It is a fight for me sometimes to get out and be with humans who aren't talking politics. Or even humans who are, as long as they are humans.
I logged onto Twitter in the summer of 2015, just as the presidential campaign was heating up. I checked in periodically but there was nothing compelling to keep me engaged. I got really absorbed in the summer of 2016, during the conventions. The debates between Hillary Clinton and Trump grabbed me and didn't let me go. Once he was elected, my eyes barely left my phone screen, as I lay in my bed, unable to stop crying and vomiting. I still have those moments. I am a snowflake.
The big news this morning was Roger Stone going to court because he posted a threatening picture on Instagram. He said he thought it was a Celtic symbol. The judge imparted a complete gag order on him, but he should have had his bail revoked and gone to jail.
Also, the Secretary of Labor has been found guilty of fucking up the Jeffrey Epstein case. The details of the Epstein case are indelible in my mind. The secretary was accused of obstruction of justice.
The president is tweeting about the actor who hired people to inflict a hate crime on him, but refuses to address the fact that coast guard officer was found to have weapons and a hit list on him.
Any of these things would have shut down the government prior to this administration. This president literally shuts down the government. Now these formerly shocking events are ho hummed away.
The news exhausts me but i can't look away. If I do, who knows what will happen?
My goal is to spend more time outside my phone, interacting with real human beings, talking about something other than current events. Will that time ever come?
I am a Twitter addict. Every morning, I wake up to check it. Sometimes I awaken in the middle of the night to check it. All I want to see is that Donald Trump has been arrested or has choked on a cheeseberder. My hope is that when either of these events finally happen, and our country is no longer plagued with this sham of a president, things will return to normal, and I will be able to log off of Twitter.
What would I do if I wasn't absorbed in this social media platform? I would meditate. I would be more fit. My blog would be updated every day. My cannabis consumption would decrease. My sound sleep would increase. My apartment would be cleaner. My depression would subside.
I know i am an addict, because Twitter is getting in the way of me living life. At the moment, I am unemployed. I have loads of down time and instead of using it wisely, I get totally sucked in. It is a fight for me sometimes to get out and be with humans who aren't talking politics. Or even humans who are, as long as they are humans.
I logged onto Twitter in the summer of 2015, just as the presidential campaign was heating up. I checked in periodically but there was nothing compelling to keep me engaged. I got really absorbed in the summer of 2016, during the conventions. The debates between Hillary Clinton and Trump grabbed me and didn't let me go. Once he was elected, my eyes barely left my phone screen, as I lay in my bed, unable to stop crying and vomiting. I still have those moments. I am a snowflake.
The big news this morning was Roger Stone going to court because he posted a threatening picture on Instagram. He said he thought it was a Celtic symbol. The judge imparted a complete gag order on him, but he should have had his bail revoked and gone to jail.
Also, the Secretary of Labor has been found guilty of fucking up the Jeffrey Epstein case. The details of the Epstein case are indelible in my mind. The secretary was accused of obstruction of justice.
The president is tweeting about the actor who hired people to inflict a hate crime on him, but refuses to address the fact that coast guard officer was found to have weapons and a hit list on him.
Any of these things would have shut down the government prior to this administration. This president literally shuts down the government. Now these formerly shocking events are ho hummed away.
The news exhausts me but i can't look away. If I do, who knows what will happen?
My goal is to spend more time outside my phone, interacting with real human beings, talking about something other than current events. Will that time ever come?
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